February 12, 2011

So sick of making these guys a priority. I’m so use to doing the Halo Effect to these guys that when they show me their true colors at first I don’t want to believe it but then after a while they continue hurting me and then I’m left with the hurt.

No more, I have to put my foot down somewhere and maybe these are the hardcore lessons you learn in 20s to prepare you for your 30s. So true, yet so sad.

Glitter is what attracts these guys to me, but when I put Glitter on them I make them sparkle and shine in my own mind and then when they turn out to be plastic, I get hurt. So really I should be disappointed in myself for making them into a China figurine doll when they don’t even deserve the price tag I put on them! Nice.

Why do I keep putting my hand on the stove when I know its hot? I need to stick up for myself, say No to myself when I want to play with fire. How dare I hurt myself because that’s what I’m really doing. I’m hurting myself by continually allowing others to hurt me. But they don’t know that they are hurting me, so in turn I hurt myself.

It’s like if A+B= AB but take out the B you’ll have A, I’ll still find a way to bring B along to have that AB connection just to say I tried. Very logical in my eyes.

I don’t know self but I’m very tired of putting myself on the line when others don’t even see the finish line. So, what to do now?

idk – but when I figure it out, I’ll let you know. 

Finally learned how to say NO. Thank you year 25! #retrospect